‘Join Us,’ Strava Users Chant as Man Races to Barricade Door

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istockphoto.com

istockphoto.com

A local runner fled a horde of Strava users yesterday, racing into his house and barricading the door against the advancing mob.

The runner, Colin Blunstone, barely made it inside before the stumbling, lurching app-lovers reached his porch. Blunstone, 54, is one of a handful of endurance athletes still not on Strava, a fitness app and social network that uses GPS to track users’ activity.

Join us,” moaned the pack of runners and cyclists, some dressed in athletic gear and clutching smartphones. Several clawed at Blunstone’s door while others peered through his windows.

“Never!” shouted Blunstone, shoving a sideboard in front of the door. “Go away!”

It’s a great way to see what your friends are up to,” groaned a Strava user through the door’s mail slot.

Blunstone, piling dining room chairs on the sideboard, ignored the entreaties.

It seamlessly tracks your performance stats and makes analyzing your data over time a breeze,” mumbled another.

Straaaavaaaa,” several others intoned. “Kudooooos.”

“Death first!” shouted Blunstone, a self-described “old school” runner who still wears a vintage-2010 Timex Ironman watch.

At last report, Blunstone was hunkered in a corner of his living room, surrounded by 28 years’ worth of paper training logs.

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