Runner Outsmarts Own Body With Decision to Silence Its Repeated Warnings


A local runner outwitted his own body’s natural defenses today with his decision to short-circuit its early warning system.

“This can’t possibly go wrong,” said Martin Van Buren, 52, as he prepared to ingest over-the-counter ibuprofen before a 10-mile run. “The bottle says to take one tablet every four to six hours, but I’ll take two because that will be twice as good.”

Van Buren, who has been running for nearly a decade, has a long history of injury, most recently a nagging severe pain in his left calf.

Ibuprofen, a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID), reduces pain and inflammation, both of which are important indicators of current or impending damage. It works, according to MedicalNewsToday, “by blocking the production of prostaglandins, substances that the body releases in response to illness and injury.”

“If I can’t feel pain, I can’t get hurt,” Van Buren said, swallowing the tablets with a glass of water. “That’s just logic.”

Van Buren is not a trained logician.

“You know what, maybe I should take the rest with me,” Van Buren said, tucking the bottle into a waist pack before heading out the door. “Just in case.”

In related news, Van Buren planned later today to replace the duct tape over his car’s Check Engine light, which has been on for six months.

can you spare $3.14?