Sexual Tension Threatens to Suck Entire Running Group Into Black Hole of Couple’s Unfulfilled Desire

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A couple’s long-simmering mutual physical attraction is putting their weekly running group in peril, Dumb Runner has learned, threatening to consume them all in a black hole of unconsummated passion from which nothing can escape.

The couple, Sandy Olivia and Danny St. John, met in early 2017 when they joined the group within weeks of each other. The chemistry between the two was immediately obvious, witnesses said.

“I remember, that run was a long, hot one and we stopped halfway through at a convenience store,” said Channing Rizzo, a longtime member of the group who has watched Olivia’s and St. Johns’ pent-up sexual energy build to excruciating levels. “Danny bought a bottle of water, but Channing didn’t have any money. So he offered her a drink from his bottle. Even though they had just met.”

“Not only did she accept,” Rizzo said, “but she looked him right in the eye from the moment her lips touched the mouth of the bottle.”

“I’m pretty sure their fingers brushed during the handoff, too,” she added. “Danny and Sandy are both great people, but oh my God, the sexual tension.”

The couple’s coyness, flirting, and playful teasing has only intensified since then, other group members said.

“If these two don’t hook up soon, I swear, they’re going to create some sort of sexual singularity,” said Jeff Kenickie, the group’s unofficial leader. “And we’ll all be sucked in, never to be seen again, trapped in a place where animal magnetism stretches to infinity, space-time is warped, and the laws of physics cease to apply.”

“I wish they’d just f*** already and get it over with,” he added.

Reached for comment, Olivia and St. John declined to be interviewed.

“Sorry,” said St. John. “We just finished a run and we’re both super sweaty. We’re going to go do some partner stretches.”


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